A Monkey’s Tale

Welcome to my town, Lop Buri, where my home and the monkey temple is located. There are human tourists everywhere. They come to feed us and try to control us. Notice my use of the word “try”. People are sometimes very territorial. You really have to study them a bit. It is a particularly good idea to avoid them on their disgusting pollution making scooting devices that spew out air dirt. Air-dirt-making machines are everywhere, and they take you places quickly.


At the edge of the temple off to the side, the youngsters swing and party from telephone and electricity wires hung by the people. Sometimes some of us chew up the wires to the point they are frayed and you can get an unpleasant mouth spark. People often gather around chattering in their “human talk” and try to shoo us away, as if they own the place.


Some of the gang hang out in front of the 7-Eleven to see what people are buying. This must be a place of unimaginable food!  7-Elevens are very popular. Everyone that comes out of there has a food bag. The same bags they bring into the temple to feed us. Most of us figure the humans would go a bit ape shit on us, loudly chattering at us if we got in there.

As I said before, humans are * very * territorial. They don’t have particularly sharp teeth but they won’t hesitate to grab any object within distance to defend their territory when threatened. Especially their food! On the flipside, there’s a generous supply of food provided fairly regularly for us Macaques. Every year there is a feast beyond wildest imaginings.


The people’s air-dirt-making moving machines are really annoying. We sit on them sometimes and pick off the windshield wipers and stuff. Apparently this very intelligent machine made by this very intelligent species contributes to the environmental annihilation of planet earth, through a little something called carbon pollution.


It’s really parched during the day here at Lop Buri. The people have made these fountains at the edge of the temple grounds so we get fresh water whenever we want. If our electrolytes need balancing, a magical blue sport water helps.


Humans are very territorial, when we try too eat their food. They leave out food on their counters with windows open, and when we try to grab it, they yell at us in human chatter, and we run out the windows. Sometimes, they take slingshots and aim things at our direction to scare us away. They carry the most interesting food containers. You can find food in almost anything made by people.


Our glorious feeding center in Thailand is the envy of other monkeys. Oreos and Gatorade galore! Every year the whole town holds a massive feast for us, which is seriously ridiculous, but that’s another tale.

Sometimes tourists give us things like bananas or whatever other various foods they have or can find. It’s funny to listen to the variety of human shrieks throughout the day as we jump on them. Taking a running leap, you can easily land on a human’s shoulders. Some of them allow it, and will feed you. Others object vocally. Figuring out who is most likely to feed you is one of the best skills to have, in general.


In the west, people keep monkeys in zoos. Some of us think it might be better there, but I prefer the freedom to roam without restriction. For those that like a lot of people with cameras, it’s a great gig, but the others find it too restrictive.  Life as a monkey has ups and downs but things around Lop Buri are pretty steadily wild, I must say! These super-white tourists come in on the trains and buses every day and scream at us when we take their shiny presents they hang off their body’s. A very tame bunch these people . . . who knows what’s next here at the Monkey Temple. Anyone’s guess.


Probably one of us will get pissed and bite someone then the whole operation will get shut down by  the WWF. Fun while it’s lasting at least.

And now signing off, that folks, is my Monkey’s Tale.


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